So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
