Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
