I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
