can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
