If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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