just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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