Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I wannas sexs uuuuu
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
