nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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