eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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