When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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