He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
