I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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