Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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