Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
