a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
