I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
