I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
