I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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