Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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