You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
