When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
