Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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