i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
