Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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