My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
