she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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