Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
