Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
