A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
