I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I didn't notice because vodka
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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