If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
