I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
