just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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