His pubic hair was longer than his dick
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
