when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
