so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
