he shaved USA in his pubs
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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