I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think i have two assholes
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
