his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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