I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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