I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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