So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
