And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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