I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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