At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
