He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
