the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
