I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
