Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
