I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
