Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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